Way to Russia Talk Lounge

cyndy22 · Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 8:49 pm Post subject: Freindship

This is a question that I hope our forum members in Russia and other members who have spent significant time there can comment on. I have been told by some of my friends who are from former soviet republics, that friendship in USA is different than in Russia and former republics. People have said to me that friendship in USA is more superficial. Americans have alot of so called friends but are more like acquaintances etc. And the way that Americans entertain ie. parties, is quite different. In USA partys are much shorter etc. I suspect there is some truth to my friend's comments about the difference in friendship. For one thing I notice that people in US. ESPECIALLY ON THE EASTERN COAST, live overly busy lives. Perhaps the American culture has evolved to emphasize do as much as you can.../ I see this in children whose parents run ragged taking their kids to all sorts of sports and other activities. I am not in this category. Pretty hard to develop and maintain meaningful long-term friendships when you are always in a hurry. I have more to say on this subject but I really would like other perspectives before I continue.

uday · WayToRussified Joined: 26 Jul 2004 Posts: 323

I fail to believe people living in Main/Nova Scotia/Rhode Island lead 'incredibly busy lives'.

brandalpayne11 · Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 9:17 pm Post subject:

I agree w/the lady wholeheartedly, speaking from personal experience I have tons of friendly acquaintences, but very few friends.
partly because i don't like people to know me very well, and partly because I am busy as hell; although I don't think it is a eastcoast thing.

cyndy22 · Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 11:55 pm Post subject:

Uday, I realize it's your nature to interject your sarcasm and wit like others interject a smile, but please do you have something to say about friendship in terms of differences between Russians, Americans or other foreigners? And for the record I have lived in Massachusetts most of my life, but have also lived in California and Hawaii. . I have also spent time down south. I can say from expdrience that people on the east coast specifically New York, Boston, Hartford etc do seem to lead busy lives. I honestly think it is a society trend, and increasingly may be a global trend. I , myself do not appreciate this fast paced life where people seem to busy to appreciate theire family, friends, environment etc. But I am genuinely interested in friendship from a cross cultural perspective, in particular friendship in Russia and what others on this forum think about the nature of friendship in Russia. For example, are friendships among Russians deeper and more committed than friendships in USA? OR other countries.

uday · WayToRussified Joined: 26 Jul 2004 Posts: 323

A friend is a pretty universal term. Why not ask, is "mother" the same in Russia as it is here?

cyndy22 · Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:22 pm Post subject:

When I speak of friendship, I am referring to a certain intimacy with another person and I am not referring to sexual relationships here. Good friends in my opinion share the good and bad times with each other. They don't ordinarily come and go, i.e. like friends you meet in the gym, or a class, or work etc. For example I am friendly with my co-workers but outside of work there is no friendship. So yes Uday it is a universal term but I suspect most people know who their close friends are.

In the US I have a great number of people I regard as friends but for the most part they are not close friends. I would say that I have 3 close friends and one of these friends lives on the pacific coast. My other close friend happens to be from the Krgyz Republic but lives in my area. My other close friend is my sister. There are alot of other people I enjoy getting together with from time to time and my husband and I are probably more social than most in the sense that we have people over very frequently for get togethers, dinner, after softball games, and 2 or 3 big parties a year, one at the end of summer, one the 1st Saturday in May and we just had for for celebration of the Boston Red SOX winning the world series.

I do think that people in the US have fairly superficial relationships and being busy is probably just one factor. I just wonder what the similarities and difference might be in Russia. I think I am being pretty clear.