Way to Russia Talk Lounge

Dr Fauste · Site Admin Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 654

How children raised different in Russia than North America?

cyndy22 · Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 5:14 am Post subject:

Very interesting topic DF! I will take a stab at replying to how children are raised in No. America and others can respond tro my views as well as how childrten are raised in Russia, In my perspective child rearing in US has changed dramatically from the 1950's to now. For example I was born in 1956 and had 5 siblings. My mother was a stay at home mom. My Dad worked his mechanic job and did night jobs doing mechanical work as well. I feel I had a very secure childhood, My Parents weren't saints but they put OUR needs ands interests before theirs. I am afraid that in US this is not the case now. Now both p[arents are working and children are sent to way too many activities such as soccer, basketball, baseball, fooptball, after school science, bowling and the list goes on. I do understand the need for both parents to work., Yet I still have difficulty understanding wjy parents feel the need to over-schedule theier kids. I mean, I am an adult and face this fact more or less but xchildren, at least in my mind deserve a more unstructued life. In my view that is what childhood is about. I WELCOMWE OTHERS VIEWS especially our Russian members.

wavetossed · WayToRussified Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 337

There is one big difference I have noticed. Many American kids are placed in prison cells at a very young age in order to make it hard for them to develop family bonds. No doubt this is why Americans are such rude and arrogant people.

In Russian families this is not as widespread because the apartments and homes are too small for children to have their own bedrooms. This encourages closer family bonding, especially between siblings who share the same quarters.

I've seen Russians be very demanding customers in pubic places like on a bus or in a shop and they are often very brusk, but it is not the same thing as American rudeness. If I had to pin it down more, I think that Americans are rude in an egotistical way whereas Russians are demanding that others should do their job properly, i.e. the shop clerk should darn well know everything about the products in their 4 square meter kiosk. But when a Russian has a problem, the whole family is willing to help with info or through their own personal network of contacts.

Americans like to say things like "The family is the cornerstone of society" but in the USA, this is simply not true. It's an empty wish for what might have been. However, in Russia, the family really is the cornerstone of society.

Another thing I've noticed is the way people talk to kids. The Russian language has a lot of ways of changing words into feminine forms and these words are extensively used with kids. Some English examples to illustrate the flavour of this. Rather than saying "that dog is cute, isn't he" you might say "that doggie is cutesy-wootsy, isn't she". By using this language with kids they continually communicate that they love the child and see the child as somehow different from other people outside the family. The Russian system of nicknames, all feminine forms, is part of this special intimate language that we have mostly lost in English.

Mogsfan · WayToRussified Joined: 03 Nov 2004 Posts: 490

What about all the stats regarding abortions, orphans and adultery in Russia. I think you're painting an awfully rosy picture regarding the differences. With corruption, a lack of ethics and very few people valuing law and what is just, I fail to see how the upbringing of children would be somehow not effected.

Just a question and I would like to hear from Russians (and Ukrainians or other citizens from FSU) to comment who either have kids or have acquaintances and friends with children.

The comments made about Americans is valid though because with all the stress on family values, many Parents don't follow what they preach. There is just too much stress for parents and not enough interaction during the younger years. Also, in the North American countries, one can observe a lack of family planning and very little knowledge or experience in raising kids. Problems the parents face end up effecting the children and the kids pick up bad habits due to either neglect or as a result of the parents' bad habits or poor parenting skills.

I don't know what the strategies are for Russian parents.

cyndy22 · Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 4:37 pm Post subject:

Do you guys have kids? It always surprises me just how knowledgeable people who don't have kids, think they are about children, parenting etc. WT'S Post is rediiculous and has no logic. Prison cells-what are you talking about? And family bonding due to living in small apartments. Wake up= there are alot of American families who live in small apartments too. Family bonding has more to do with taking time with each other, listening and doing things together. Your remard about how rude and arrogant Americans are only reveals your own rudeness and arrogance. But I would never say-Oh, Russians are so rude and arrogant

Dr Fauste · Site Admin Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 654

Speaking of Kids , quick question is about the insult to Russian of goats?
I heard that is/was an common insult to Russians and that it came from 935 ad when a family from Kiev went to form Russia and their last name was goat, thus the people who remained(Ukrainians) insulted the travellers as a son of a goat.

Luba · Frequent Guest Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14

I know that many American kids do homeschooling. As far as a know we don't have such a thing in Russia. Personally, I think it kills social skills(sorry for play on words) in a child. It might be effective but we can get a robot in the end. An Internet dependable creature who can not communicate with others! This kid who has been pulled throgth homeschooling won't be able to form a family and find friends exept from his siblings. May be I am wrong. But one of my children started going to a kindergarden when he was 11 months old. Another(the oldest) one stayed at home because of the health reasons. I can tell the difference. My youngest is much more easy-going and he has no problems ar scholl communicating with others. The situation is very differen with my oldest son.

Dr Fauste · Site Admin Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 654

Welcome waytobashamericans

Cyndy is correct
Luba, your information is not factual at all. Vast majority of Americans are not homeschooled. I think the schooling is one part of the process, but I think how the home life is set up. I am no expert and I do not pretend to know anything here and not a parent, so my opinion is just educated guess. The greater demand of productibvity out of the workers has forced mothers and fathers to work more hours and spend less time with their children in both countries. This has an implication on we can raise our families and educate them. Although many companies state that they are family oriented, because the lack of skilled work force, they cannot offer flexible work time to mothers and father to care and be with their children.
Luba, do majority of Russians have both parents working?
With the new economy, is the Russian family being pushed to have less children , because they cannot afford to have more?

cyndy22 · Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 10:00 pm Post subject:

Like Luba, I agree about home schooling, unless families live in remote areas and there aren't so many. Children need socialixzation and schools do provide this in addition to education/ In our society as Dr.Faust states accurately there is pressure for both parents to work. When my husband and I returned from Russia with Alex, I chose to take one year off completely from work. He was my priority and I am glad I had the financial means to do this. Alex was very scared. CAN YOU IMAGINE- HE was used to life in orphanage with Russian speaking and familiar care takers. And I do believe they cared deeply for the children. Our 1st year with Alex was the best time in my life! I loved BEING AT HOME WITH hIM, Taking care of him, introducing him to life here- parks, everything! Because of this, Alex and I have a very close relationship. But in socirty now very few women or men are stay at home parents. So, we chose for financial as well as social needs for Alex- to find a good preschool etc. for him. In my current job, I am very lucky. I work for the park and forest system in Massachusetts I have incredible flexibility and this is my priority because ALEX IS ONLY 7 YRS. OLD AND I don't want to miss his childhood because I am too tired or money hungry. Please forgive me if any other parents are not so lucky as me. I know the choices are very difficult.

Luba · Frequent Guest Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14

[With the new economy, is the Russian family being pushed to have less children , because they cannot afford to have more?]
Just like you, dr.Fauste, I am not an expert and all I have to offer is my understanding of the issue.
1.Here in Russia people don't correlate the amount of money they make with a number of children they can have. I know personally several relatively rich people (they have a house of their own and a good Japanisse car) but only one kid in each one of the families. At the same time I have friends who are poor. They have less than 100 backs per person in family per month. Mostly because they have 3 kids. My point is. People don't want to have more that two because it takes too much time and efforts. They really think it's too much to have 3 kids. I go to the orphanages very often and can testify that many of the kids came there because their families were too big to be able to take care of...let's say...10 children. So, to have so many kids is a part of being irresponsible, not rich.
2. Many people in Russia life in blocks of flats. Even those who are very well paid(like Moscovites, average is about 600-1000$ per month). There is nothing tj be ashamed in it. I came from Munich (Germany) not long ago and found out that many people live in apartments like mine! But these flats are only sutable for the family with two kids, may be 3, but no more.
So, our income is not the critical factor to restrict a number of kids in Russian families.
The demograpthic(?) situation in Russia is very dramatic. Every year we are loosing about 5 millions. And in a year 2049 we will be no more than a 100 millions. We used to be 150 millions 12 years ago...Not very funny, ha?
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Dan23 · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 11:55 am Post subject:

As I understand it, the higher people's education, the fewer kids they tend to have. And I think that's a good thing. If people are worried about the responsibility and burden of having more than one or two kids, I'm glad they are being prudent. I certainly don't look forward to the prospect of having kids (I'm 23). I'm awfully pessimistic about what the future holds.

I'd also like to take the possibly unpopular view that the population decline is a good thing. I wish the United States could turn its massive population growth around! Too many people bring too much environmental destruction. It's not sustainable. I don't know what kind of world we're going to pass down to the next 6 billion people, but I can predict that it will be harder for many of them to live in.

I also think too many people bring about too much conformity. Living in the US, I see the suburbs (the places where all these people have gone to live) as a terrible cultural disaster. Suburbanites tend to be the people who have limited awareness of things like health, individuality/nonconformity, intellectualism, and especially social responsibility. It makes me very ashamed, and I'd hate to see that lifestyle spread around the world.

As for parenting, here's what I''d like to know: do children in Russia watch much TV? I feel pretty strongly that TV, especially at an early age, is detrimental to development.

Curious to see where the education topic will lead.

Dan

Anathema · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 12:05 pm Post subject:

I'm with dan. I don't want kids. I don't even like kids. I also agree that population decline is a good thing. Overpopulation isn't good for anyone.

VictoR@Tdot · Lounge Lizard Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 87

AliceFromMoscow · WayToRussified Joined: 10 Jul 2004 Posts: 411

Luba · Frequent Guest Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 14

[As for parenting, here's what I''d like to know: do children in Russia watch much TV? I feel pretty strongly that TV, especially at an early age, is detrimental to development. ]
I have to say "yes", Dan. When they come back from school where they have 6 or 7 lessons, with so much stress on their mind they find release from it in watching TV programs. It takes about an hour of sitting and watching to get back in "normal state". So, every cloud has a silver lining. I think that computer games are more detrimental. It's like an addiction. Last year, I believe, we had a court hearing about a boy who killed his Mom because she just called him for lunch and interrupted his computer game! [/quote]