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isolde
Just Starting
Joined: 26 Feb 2005
Posts: 2
Location: new york
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 Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 10:04 pm Post subject: A thorough discussion of russian men |
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What exactly are the mores between russian men and women? How do russian men treat their women and what exactly do they expect?
I'm a european living in new york and have been with a russian man for five years. It's been wondeful and extremely difficult. Difficult because of the uncontrollable control battle that is underway.
Are Russian men bossy? Controlling? Do they expect women to do everything?  |
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Katyara
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 124
Location: Russia, Sakhalin island, Korsakov!
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:41 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | and have been with a russian man for five years |
I figured you would know every bit about russian men by now since you've lived with one for five years.
| Quote: | | Russian men bossy? Controlling? |
I wouldn't say they are all bossy. Anyway, my father isn't. My friends' fathers are not either. But there are some who expect their wives to do everything around the house. I think there are some of those in every nation. |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:46 am Post subject: |
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Isolde,
Since you have been with your Russian partner for 5 years, I think you probably have a good understanding of him and his temperment. I can't speak for Russians on this subject but I suspect that Russian men do expect to be more controlling as you say and expect women to do more. It's a cultural thing. What part of Europe are you from? Russian men for example are not the only controlling and wanting men in Europ[e or for that matter other countries in the world. Maybe you and he are having growing pains?  |
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Skip
Talk Show Host
Joined: 19 Jan 2005
Posts: 283
Location: Planet Warez
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 2:07 am Post subject: |
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Each year in Russia domestic violence affects many millions of women who, for the most part, simply remain silent...
Every year in Russia 1,800 women vanish into thin air, whose disappearence is suspected to be solely linked to fatal abuse at the hands of a spouse or partner... (this does not include the tens of thousands of women who vanish, probably killed or sold into the sex industry, or for any other reasons...)
These women are not married to, or living with, non FSU males... and whilst there are of course good Russian men too... the face Russians wear in the street (often one of grimace...) is not necessarily the same facade they have behind the closed door of their family home...
It means you are less likely to be able to judge a Russian man by how he may look, without considering any other grounds... and it appears the Militia have the exact same problem... 
Everyone in Russia knows female neighbours or friends whose lives are the subject of abuse day in day out from their male partner or spouse, many cannot afford to leave the man concerned... it's not easy for a woman to run to another man as everyone closes rank...
So when I see the question "How are Russian men?" my response will be anything from apallingly bad to very good, but taking serious references is more advisable than with other men!  |
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Jutrzenkapolska
VIP
Joined: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 534
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:03 am Post subject: |
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That's exactly why I'd never marry a Russian man.Or Polish man for that matter. Come to think of it, I don't think I could marry and live under one roof with anyone of the male sex.
A couple of years ago,we had a relative come over from the old country. His girlfriend came with him.To our horror, the poor girl insisted on such things as bringing him his tea to bed, washing his clothes and washing his plate after dinner.Astounding.And she was university educated and from a good family.This woman gave me a whole new appreciation of America and its guys.
Strong will is a very,very,very BAAAAD quality in a man. |
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Skip
Talk Show Host
Joined: 19 Jan 2005
Posts: 283
Location: Planet Warez
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:09 am Post subject: |
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What do YOU do with your plate after dinner then... errhhm, if you don't wash it that is?!? 
A few sexist jokes will follow I am sure... however mine are far too candid for this forum...  |
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AliceFromMoscow
WayToRussified
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Posts: 411
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:12 am Post subject: |
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| Jutrzenkapolska wrote: | | Come to think of it, I don't think I could marry and live under one roof with anyone of the male sex. |
Are you lesbian 
| Jutrzenkapolska wrote: | | A couple of years ago,we had a relative come over from the old country. His girlfriend came with him.To our horror, the poor girl insisted on such things as bringing him his tea to bed, washing his clothes and washing his plate after dinner.Astounding.And she was university educated and from a good family.This woman gave me a whole new appreciation of America and its guys. |
The girl gets exploited and this is sad.. Let's hope that she will realize this before its too late.
| Jutrzenkapolska wrote: | | Strong will is a VERY VERY VERY BAD quality in a man. |
This is not true.. i wouldn't like to date a man who has no backbone, and especially i wouldnt marry such guy. He would reach absolutely nothing in his life. Some women though like men who obey them in everything I dont understand such women. |
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AliceFromMoscow
WayToRussified
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Posts: 411
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:17 am Post subject: |
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| Or maybe it is common for that couple to give each other such little signs of care as bringing breakfast to bed... Maybe they do it often and she wanted to do this that day... who knows |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:44 am Post subject: |
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OK Sure, domestic violence is a serious problem in many parts of the world, Usa, Russia,with Latinos and others. Being controlling however is not necessarily indicative of domestic violence. Sure, it can be abusive but there is a line. I suggest Isolade see a professional counselor to sort things out.
Justrapolswya (sorry about the spelling), really you should not be so cynical about men. Of course there are differences between men and women and that is good. Good men and there are many all over the world, will treat you with respect and love you for who you are. Maybe you arte still quite young, but trust me, marriage is a good institution, with the righjt person.
Alice, no need to call J. a lesbian. Not that lesbians are bad or anything! I do agree with you that it can be very nice and natural for partners to be sweet toward each other. Actually that should be the norm. I love my husband and fortunately for me and my son, he woirks very hard to provide a very nice life for us. While I also work,it is by no means as difficult as his. There has to be give and take in any relationship. I enjoy being kind and spoiling him sometimes. What is wrong with that? |
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Jutrzenkapolska
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Joined: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 534
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:45 am Post subject: |
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But Alice, wouldn't it be wonderful to hold the remote control once in a while?
Far better to be married to a bore than an alpha male and egomaniacal control freak.
But you know what the absolute best test is? See how he treats his mother. How he treats his mother is how he treats or is going to treat every woman in his life. |
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Crabman
WayToRussified
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 401
Location: Middlesex
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:48 am Post subject: Re: A thorough discussion of russian men |
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| isolde wrote: | I'm a European living in new york and have been with a russian man for five years. It's been wondeful and extremely difficult. Difficult because of the uncontrollable control battle that is underway.
Are Russian men bossy? Controlling? Do they expect women to do everything? |
| Jutrzenkapolska wrote: | That's exactly why I'd never marry a Russian man.Or Polish man for that matter.
A couple of years ago,we had a relative come over from the old country. His girlfriend came with him |
Why do all women generalise? |
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AliceFromMoscow
WayToRussified
Joined: 10 Jul 2004
Posts: 411
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 3:56 am Post subject: |
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| Jutrzenkapolska, you mentioned only two extremes.. What about those between them?.. Someone who is strong willed and able to compromise |
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Jutrzenkapolska
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Joined: 16 Sep 2004
Posts: 534
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 6:05 am Post subject: |
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Cyndy hit the nail on the head. I'm very cynical about men and don't count on finding one who will respect me or eh, the other thing she mentioned  .I also have a phobia of power struggle, being exploited, domestic violence, being told what to do and being told what not to do
It can happen to anyone. Anyone, from any background, can become trapped in a marriage from hell. |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 6:50 am Post subject: |
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Jutrzenkapolska,
Darling, You seem quite sweet and very protective of yourself. That is not a bad quality. But as a woman, and I presume you are a young woman in your 20's, coming from perhaps a second generational family of Polish descent, there are more conflcting attitudes and feelings about men in USA. I just want to assure you that it is possible to be yourself in a relationship with a man and the man could be from anywhere. The secret is to be yourself from the beginning more or less. I realize that all of us try to impress partners in new relationships. I really don't think that most men who fall in love with a woman expect her to be subservient and wait on her man. On the other hand, I think it is perfectly natural and respectable in loving relationships to take care of one another. Sure it could be simple things like bringing tea or breakfast in bed, listening to your partner's exhausting day, doing something spontaneous that is meant to surprise your partner etc., Trust me, I have been in your shoes re this subject. It takes practice , experience and probably some good fortune to connect with Mr. Right. I weould say, take your sweet time and life is such a learning experience so down the road, I suspect you will kinow when you meet a man who will treat, resapect and love you for who you are. |
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isolde
Just Starting
Joined: 26 Feb 2005
Posts: 2
Location: new york
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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After having been in a relationship with a russian man for five years, yes ofcourse I know more about russian society and men than I did before. But it is still a learning process.
I don't mean to generalize in any way or to suggest that Russian men in particular are difficult or controlling. But there are elements of that in the social relations between men and women there. I myself come from London and was educated in the US. There is a definite difference between Europe and Russia both culturally, socially and politically.
Yes certain character traits in men or women for that matter are universal and transcend gender, race and culture. But there ARE major differences. My friends both in New York and in Europe have a completely different set of rules in terms of man/woman relations. The woman's role in Europe and in the US has radically changed in the past 40 years, and from what I see when I am in Russia, it is undergoing a change, but is still a bit old fashioned. What women expect in the west is different. I think we can all aggree on that. And from what I see in Russia, most, not all, women tend to their men in the old fashioned way. Completely.The man comes first.
I'm a filmmaker, and I tend to work strange hours, long hours, especially on a production. And therefore, if I were to conform to be the main carer in the household, then I would have to give up my job. Either two people share the burden of cohabitation, or someone has to sacrifice. In the west, women think twice before they do.
Things ARE different. Different cultures have different rules! |
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