Way to Russia Talk Lounge

cyndy22 · Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 7:27 pm Post subject: Caring for Elderly Russian People

I am interested in learning more about how elderly people are taken care of in Russia. In many western countries, elderly people who can not care for themselves and live independently are placed into nursing homes. While some of these homes are better than others, they are sad institutions I think. The care there is not typically good and quality of life sucks. I wonder if nursing homes exist in Russia. Do elderly parents typically live with their families and have family members care fir them? This is a serious issue because demographically the numbers of people approaching age 55 and older in US for example are staggering. Most people I know work and are not available to take care of their elderly parents. There is some home health assistance but it costs money which of course in in short supply by elderly people. Also are elderly people respected in Russia as a rule? In US, sadly I think that old people are ignored for the most part.

Jutrzenkapolska · VIP Joined: 16 Sep 2004 Posts: 534

Finding granny's home health assistance costly? Nursing home draining away your savings? Do what thousands of Americans do and hire an illegal Polish immigrant.

cyndy22 · Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 6:39 pm Post subject:

I guess this topic is a little too depressing for people here. I just am curious what the cultural norms are in Russia when it comes to caring for elderly parents etc.

Jutrzenkapolska · VIP Joined: 16 Sep 2004 Posts: 534

I can tell you what they are in the US.My aunt is a live at home caretaker and gets her entire livelihood from those people too cheap to even shove their mother into a nursing home.

The people she takes care of are paralegics (unfortunatly not all people in wheelchairs are fit, independent, able and capable of taking care of themselves), elderly, senile, brain damaged and usually have medical problems to boot.She has had various combinations of diabetes, kidney failure, asthma and cancer with the above mentioned. The pay is actually pretty good, sometimes very good but it's an extremely stressful and demanding job that two people would usually do in a home or hospital.

Most of these people have kids and grandkids and great-grandkids but none that would be willing to devote their lives to them.They visit about once a week for two hours and that's it, all the time they have to spare. And the same shit in Poland.No one is willing to take care of an old person.Enspecially if it's a....not very nice old person.

When my parents are retirees, I'm keeping them.Unless they throw tantrums, are grumpy, interfere with my personal life, beome difficult, demanding, impossible or are bossy around the household.Then they are going straight to the nursing home Smile

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Varangian · Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:08 pm Post subject: Elderly Russian Care

My fiancée Olga says that nursing homes in Russia are awful, and only lonely people live there. She was shocked when she heard that my sister-in-law was helping to arrange for her mother to go to a nursing home. She found it hard to believe that someone with three children should have to go to a nursing home. Olga's grandmother does live on her own, in the country, but her health is failing.

Vic · Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:27 pm Post subject:

Well, here we do take care of the elderly. Usually this is done by children but frequently by grandchildren. Chores around the house (cleaning, laundry, ect) things that would trouble the person.
My cousin comes in to do some chores around my grandma's place in Omsk (My mother lives in Moscow and aunt lives in Voronezsh) but she is very active (despite being 85) and does not like people doing too much for her. (My grandma lives alone in a 3 bedroom apartment)
My grandfather (from father's side) is pretty much the same but MUCH MUCH MUCH more stubborn. He lives alone in a 1 bedroom apartment also in Omsk and he absolutely hates it when anybody does anything for him. When I am there, the only thing he lets me do is buy groceries. He is not really active and he despises walking to the store or market, that is why. Anything around the house HAS TO BE DONE BY HIM! He wouldn't even let me repair the kitchen sink - its just kinda leaking...for the last two months. He also wouldn't let my father buy him a new place near his sister's (she is one of the only people that visits him, and it isn't all that fun for her to go all the way from one end of the city to the other several times a week) but NO! He HAS to stay there!
Well, to answer your question, it is very rare that somebody does not take care of their elders. It is even more rare to hire somebody to take care of them for you. The way it is viewed here is - they took care of you for the first 20 years of your life, so you should not even have second thoughts about taking care of them when they need it.

Vic · Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:31 pm Post subject:

cyndy22 · Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 11:26 pm Post subject:

I know that most old people want to remain independent and are naturally quite set in their ways of life. It's great when despite some limitations, they can pretty much manage on their own with some help from family members for shopping, cleaning, snow shoveling, getting to appointments etc. But there are other situations where health or disability is just too poor and decisions need to be made about alternative living places. Do Russian families then have their elderly parents or grandparents live with them so that they can care for them? The extended family i.e. various relatives used to be more involved in such situatons in the US but this is no longer the case. I wonder if the extended family is more tight knit still in Russia. To me it's a shame that elderly people end up in nursing homes.

Jutrzenkapolska · VIP Joined: 16 Sep 2004 Posts: 534

I'm sorry, that's not right, in Poland it's also rare that an elderly person is abandoned.Both of my grandmothers are long-time widows, one is very well taken care of, financially and otherwise, by her kids and grandkids and one is not.But that's just because we are dysfuncional weirdos Very Happy

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My mother's mother has three kids, is in her 80's, is very ill and is on her own because two are in the US and one doesn't care.My grandmother lives alone and hardly has any friends.She's also a very difficult and tempermental woman now, which might have something to do with it...However, she used to spend all her spare time on others, volunteering at charity organzations and running food drives and look at how she got repaid.People are ungrateful pricks.

You know how the Eskimos used to deal with the elderly? They believed the old were useless, slowed down the entire tribe and compromised the safety of everyone.So if anyone survived to see old age, they put them onto a floating iceberg and let them float down the Artic Ocean.Bye-bye grandpa.

cyndy22 · Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 3:19 am Post subject:

Polska,
I have heard similar tragedies about other Native American Elderly. It seem dehumanizing but so does nursing homes and even worse in my mind- prolonged living in hospitals through invasive and very costly technologies. I'd rather be shot than endure nursing homes or hospitalization with such low quality of life. Western medicine definitly goes over board in prolonging life!

Jutrzenkapolska · VIP Joined: 16 Sep 2004 Posts: 534

The one nursing home I've ever been to seemed nice ; the elderly looked happy and active.Not that I'd want to live there. Smile

About prolonged living, I honestly don't know.It's a tragedy anyway you look at it.The Terri Shiavo case, omg Crying or Very sad

I have no idea what I'd want to do in a similar situation, if I was paralegic, incurably braindamaged or mentally ill.I can't say with certainty and honesty I'd rather be shot.

mr. barley · Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:04 am Post subject:

Oh, I'd say shoot me right now. I don't believe in being a burden to anyone ever.Cyndy's right about western medicine keeping people alive too long. With modern technology we can keep people artificially alive for years and years.But it's not really life in my opinion.Hell, I don't want to live to the point of someone else wiping my ass while I drool all over the place. There's no dignity in that kind of existence. A lead pill in the brain for me please.

Paul Holmes · VIP Joined: 12 Apr 2005 Posts: 969

mr. barley · Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 8:39 am Post subject:

You have no dignity as an infant and I do not relish the prospect of returning to the infant stage with an adult mind( if I have one). I have a 16 month old baby Russian child and he counts on us to take care of him, so that's alright . That's my job as a parent.But when I'm an adult geriatric, I say "Let's be done with it.".If I'm not a healthy geezer I serve no purpose. Give me a way out that's not a nursing home is what I'm saying.

cyndy22 · Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 7:31 pm Post subject:

Yeah, I drank too much one night a few years ago and got sick. I know my husband loves me bacause he put his hands out for me to puke on! nOW THAT IS LOVE! Laughing

But if I am in a normal state of mind when I get old and can't do much for myself, I agree with Mr. Barley.