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mister_wizzz
VIP
Joined: 27 May 2004
Posts: 582
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 Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:37 am Post subject: |
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2nigelinleeds
I know a casual case : one of my best friend got married with a russian girl 2 years ago.
She is pretty, clever, educated, funny, she has everything so it can work but I think there are some rules to follow to make this kind of relationship to be successfull :
- Age : my friend is 36, her wife is 34. If your fiancee is 20 years younger than you, you can be sure she is a golddigger and the relationship is bound to fail.
- language : my friend is french and her wife was fluent french speaking at the real beginning of their relationship. I am sorry to tell you that I agree with MrSpice : how a relationship can be possible if none of you speak a common language ?
- money : my friend is engineer and have good incomes, nethertheless he had to borrow some money to the bank to finance "all this" : I mean that at the beginning I guess you will have to pay for Visa and plane tickets after you must have fun with her, make her visiting your own country which involve travels, hotels, restaurants etc ...
After you will have to pay for language lessons, training ... to make easier her integration in your country.
- patience : I dont know how it work in UK but in France as a foreigner married with a french citizen you have to wait 2 years to get a "green card" which allow you to work (to avoid white marriage).
If your fiancee has University background she will want to work and without the "green card" she will be able to find only "black work" which mean work that locals usually don't want to do.
I don't want to scare you but you have to think seriously about your future engagement.
My 2 cents. |
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nigelinleeds
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 21 Jun 2005
Posts: 108
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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Mr Wizz. (and everyone else who has advised me to give up ) when I take an outside look at my situation, I tell myself. this can never work, there are too many practical difficulties. When I said I'm not bothered about being broke, I'm not broke,but that doesn't have an effect on my hopes other than knowing it enables me to overcome a small percentage of the practicalities. Language is probably the biggest hurdle, I am used to learning new skills for my job (boring computer stuff) , but realise that it would be years before truely undertstanding eachothers language. Of course, it would be great if she lived 30 minutes away as opposed to 30 hours, but who said life was easy  Thanks for your advice everyone, I see everything you see and realise you are only pointing out what you all see from a practical point of view. |
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vitalsigns
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 2784
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| Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, deleted.
Last edited by vitalsigns on Wed Nov 09, 2005 4:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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foreign-cossack
Frequent Guest
Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Posts: 22
Location: london
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 1:35 am Post subject: |
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Nigel.
I think it is good that you give loads of personal information. Its anonymous anyway. The internet is an information tool. Soon every one will use it. If we are not open and honest then how the hell are we supposed to learn about each other and ultimatley ourselves?
Too many people are negative and make interpretations of the story and information presented to them. Why? because they/we are only interested in ourselves. Look how much interest your thread has generated. Why? because every one wants love and are facinated by the idea of romance. Why? because it is daring, risky, exciting blah blah blah.
I would bet that most people posting with stories they have heard or read about have never taken a risk in their lives and will do all they can all their lives to prevent people from taking a risk and going on an adventure. Why? Because they want to feel they are normal and the same as the rest of the flock.
Life is about spiritual development and growth. This includes Love.
It is not about net gain and capital worth. With every risk you take with your emotions the further your development. Just think the bigger and longer the adventure the more you develop and become happier with your self, you begin to Love your self every minute of your Life. This will ultimatley lead to people being able to give you Love because you are worthy of it.
Note for the negatives: Russians can be intelligent, talented, educated, why does a Russian girl have to be a "gold digger". Why cant she be independant and hard working?
Note for Nigel: The heart is a lonley hunter. |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:21 am Post subject: |
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| I admire and want to thank Vital Signs and Foreign Cossack for their honesty, truthfulness, and spiritual perspective regarding not only Nigel and his quest for love with this woman, but an individual's willingness to expose themself to others. People are so afraid to expose themselves to others in today's world. There is no way that love can happen without taking personal risk to reveal one's inner self. |
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nigelinleeds
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 21 Jun 2005
Posts: 108
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:09 am Post subject: |
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| thank you foreign cossack,vitalsigns and cyndy for your support. I am as open in the real world as I am here. I wouldn't say I am in love with this girl because I don't know her well enough. Although I have known her for about 18 months it is probably the equivelent of two or three months dating. My best friend is a girl I lived with for five years, she has been married and divorced since, every Christmas day I am invited to her family's home. I believe that people, whatever their place in the world, are what makes life worth living. Many of our friends and family don't understand, we have both given up relationships because of misplaced jealously. I have friends from massively diverse backrounds, from a cleaner to an internationaly famous DJ. |
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CHeburashka
Talk Show Host
Joined: 23 Sep 2005
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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Hi nigel: I must say it was rather brave of you to post this story, sharing such an emotional affair with total strangers. The diverse reactions show it. Nice to see that there are people like vitalsigns, cossack and cyndy that react so positively.
I don't think you can classify relationships that easily on the ways we use to communicate: it's too simple. People often share different things in different ways when talking online, than they would do face-to-face. The differences in communication are also often too personal to make generalized remarks, like so often happens.
Good friends mean a lot to me too. Every friendship has it's own story and it's own ways. |
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vitalsigns
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 2784
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, deleted.
Last edited by vitalsigns on Wed Nov 09, 2005 4:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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cdnexpat
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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How much more of a risk is it than spend 10k on a wedding and promise the moon and half of everything that you will ever own to your sweetheart? Life is a risk...
I think that nothing feels better that this euphoria of an impossible love that devours you...
That's the best memories I have of my young years...
Ah! Having loved...
Cheers, |
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CHeburashka
Talk Show Host
Joined: 23 Sep 2005
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| vitalsigns wrote: |
I am not sure when and I how I reacted positively?... |
You will agree hat a positive contribution is something distinctly different than a confirmative one.. that's why i call your reaction in this matter postive. You formulated your ideas based on own insight and life experience so that they could be helpful. |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 1:18 am Post subject: |
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While Nigel states that he may not be in love with this Russian women, clearly he has strong feelings for her. Forget about the language, geographic and cultural barriers people. Love is enduring and can overcopme such challenges. Why be so cynical? I think most people are cynical because of their own disappointments. Nigel stands out as a person who in spite of personal disappointments with any relationship, continues to have good feelings, love and forgiveness in his heart.
BTW I don't agree that people on internet forums are that mucxh different in real life. If they are, they are imposters. I do however think that many people live in fear of really connecting to people and exposing the good and flaws of themselves. The internet has probably contributed to this. But then again the internet on a generic basis, is a great tool for making cionnections.
Anyways, Nigel, I admire your fortitude and spirit! Have you been staying in touch with your lady friend? |
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CHeburashka
Talk Show Host
Joined: 23 Sep 2005
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:04 am Post subject: |
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cyndy: It's not about people being different in real life than they are on the internet, or even on them behaving differently. Sometimes the anonymity of the internet protects us and makes it easier for us to share thoughts on sensitive subjects.. Sometimes the accessibility of this information makes us do quite the contrary.
Some of us feel more confident when writing than in speech, some are quite the opposite.
It's not about lying or being insincere. People show different sides of their personality more or less easily depending on the communication medium. |
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Kesha
Talk Show Host
Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 258
Location: Terrapin Station
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:16 am Post subject: |
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It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all  |
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vitalsigns
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 2784
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:15 am Post subject: |
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Yes, deleted.
Last edited by vitalsigns on Wed Nov 09, 2005 4:05 am; edited 1 time in total |
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cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:46 am Post subject: |
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If people behave differentlt on the internet on account of the anonymity, perhaps they need to work on becoming more forth coming, honest and true to themself.
Vital Signs,
You are quite an enigma! I had thoughtr you were trying to convey a positive, uplifting message and indeed you corrected yourself to clarify otherwise. I don't really get what your negativity is about with respect to this thread. Perhaps it is your own disappointment in love.
I do not mean to be insulting to anyone. I just think that when a poster who appears relatively sincere , genuine, kind hearted and seemingly true to him or herself and life, it is a good deed to offer support. |
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