Way to Russia Community and Forum

If you have a question or want to help someone, please, go to
Way to Russia Forum on our Facebook page.
 
We also invite you to join our Facebook community, where you can meet other travelers and read interesting news on topics ranging from visa regulations to culture and music.
 

 

We are currently moving the old forum to Facebook, so what you see below functions as an archive.

If you have a question, please, post it on
Way to Russia Facebook Discussions Page

FAQ   Search   Memberlist   Usergroups   Profile   Log in to check your private messages   Chat   Log in

Russians and children Goto page Previous  1, 2

Way to Russia Talk Lounge Forum Index -> Russian People

Author	Message
MrSpice Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431	Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:19 pm    Post subject: cyndy - Obviously, you know much more than I do on how to deal with the adoption issues. But why would you encourage his thinking that he is smart/good because he is Russian? I understand that he is small and this is not a serious thought and it's nice that he has something to be proud of. But I would imagine that most of his goodness and smartness came from you and your husband. I really don't understand (maybe it's because I know so little about this subject) why a 7-year old needs to know that he has another mother that abandoned him because she did not have enough money. I just cannot imagine that this is a healthy thought for such a small boy. I don't want to be original, but I would emphasize that he is an American, lives with the parents that love him and everything else can by dwelled on and explained later on. Adoption is not only a bad thing, it's a great thing that he has the new loving parents and has a chance to be successful here in the land of opportunity.
Back to top
cyndy22 Lounge Wizard Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 1076 Location: massachusetts	Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 9:47 pm    Post subject: Mr. Spice, Please try and understand that I am happy that Alex is proud of his origin. It is good and in my mind, right that he has an awareness of positive things about his origin, country and biological parents. His parents obviously were very intelligent and had good genes etc. in terms of health... Yes our son is American and I truly think that he feels like any American 8 year old. This will always be. However, while you may think it is painful for a child to know that his birth mother gave him up, adoptive children, if they are made to understand this early in life in a sensitive and caring manner, they have a far easier time accepting the fact that they were given up. Trust me on this one. I am not saying that adoptive children do not experience loss and sadness. But don't you think it is quite shocking if you grow up and then are told, you were given up at birth? As parents who love their child, we always strive to be sensitive to his needs and development. Alex is a great kid and would charm anyone. He really is quite an individual with alot of personality!!
Back to top
MrSpice Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431	Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:51 pm    Post subject: Well, if my parents turned out to be adoptive parents and found out about it when I was 20, that would not be a problem. At 20, I would be quite capable of understanding why they kep it secret for so many years so that I have a normal childhood just like all other kids. I would think a child's life is difficult already. When you add such complexities, it may make the kid depressed or confused. I am not an expert on this so I do trust you since - I assume - you researched this topic well and prepared for this whole situation well in advance. But for me - I would rather not know until I am an adult or at least 18-20 years old. It's like Santa Claus - no reason to rell your kids about certain things when they are powerless to do anything about the situation.
Back to top
cyndy22 Lounge Wizard Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 1076 Location: massachusetts	Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:14 am    Post subject: Don't be so sure Mr. Spice how you would react to such news. You may think you understand the psyche of children but IMHO your so called rational mind and perspective lacks the innocence and openess of that of child. I appreciate that you give me some credit for determining how my husband and I approach this topic with our son, but honestly you are seemingly unable to understand.
Back to top
MrSpice Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431	Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 7:51 pm    Post subject: Apparently, some expert agree with my assessment of the situation. Read this: http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/adopted.htm But I also see that most experts agree with your approach.
Back to top
beachbum Frequent Guest Joined: 13 Dec 2005 Posts: 20 Location: USA	Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:33 am    Post subject: Manxi Please understand that this information is coming from a Russian girl thru an american guy??? But i have not seen your question answered, so here goes from several months ago with my Russian girl... It is true that men are to honor their girl on that say. You become worse than a gutter rat if you forget, so don't. It, from the long talk we had, is customary to honor the woman in your life, or future woman in your life if she has already given birth to a child. It doesn't matter if the child was a part of your doing, it matters if you honor her for having given birth. Hope that was a good "rendition" of this same conversation i had with my girl in Novosibirsk several months ago... just before that wonderful day. Oh, by the way, if you think your mother responds well to "Mothers Day" in america, you will really like the response you get from giving the Russian girl in your life the honor due her in her country. Hope this helps.
Back to top
Display posts from previous: All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First

	Way to Russia Talk Lounge Forum Index -> Russian People	All times are GMT + 3 Hours Goto page Previous  1, 2
Page 2 of 2