Way to Russia Talk Lounge

manxi · Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 10:46 am Post subject: Russian Humour

A lot of Russians (and Brits) have told me that we share a similar sense of humour. If so, how weird! Shocked

What is Russian humour like then? Anyone know any good "New Russian" jokes?

I♥Russia · Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 4:41 am Post subject:

I personally found these to be hilarious.

- You know, I surgically changed my nationality.
- Can it really be true? You became a Jew?
- No. I became a "New Russian". I asked the surgeon to crook my fingers.

One New Russian says to another: "I went to the Bolshoi Theater yesterday; I had so much fun!"
"Watching an opera!? How is that?"
"Our hockey players beat the Canadians in the final game!"
"In a theater?"
"No, I was watching TV in the theater’s snack bar."

vitalsigns · Lounge Wizard Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 2784

Annual cleaning Smile

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3436

Repeating some better samples of russian jokes I already posted a few weeks back:

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.
- How is she now ?
- She's fine. But, the dog died
----------------
A pharmacist tell a customer.
- In order to buy arsenic you should need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.
----------------
A husband caught his wife with a lover.
"If I weren't a Party member," the husband shouted to his wife, "I would have broken your ribs and tossed you out of the window."
Lifting her hands to the sky, she answered,"Bless you and The Communist Party!"
----------------
Gorbachev sent some sausage overseas for analysis. Soon he received an answer:
-Mister Gorbachev, no helminth were detected in your excrement.
-----------------
A speaker explains the advantages of communism to the residents of a lunatic asylum. Everybody applauds except for one guy standing at a distance.
-"Why aren't you clapping," asks the speaker.
-"I'm a nurse," he answers, "not a madman."
--------------
At the International Genetics Meeting.
American reports:
- We crossed chickens with cows. The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs.
Report from France:
- We succeeded in crossbreeding flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey.
- And we crossed a melon with cockroaches, says the Russian. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves.
-------------
- Who likes music? - asks a commander.
- Two soldiers step forward.
- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.
--------------
Two young women are talking.
"I’m going to marry a man I fall in love with."
"Me too, if I don’t find anything better."
--------------
"Honey," she says, "after our marriage I’ll share with you all your troubles and problems."
"But, dear," he replies, "I don’t have any."
"But we’re not married yet," she says.
--------------
A restaurant patron tells the waitress, "I’m so hungry, I could eat a dead rat!"
"Then you’ve come to the right place, sir."
--------------
"Waiter, there’s a dead cockroach in my coffee!"
"So what do you want now, a funeral?"

I♥Russia · Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:05 pm Post subject:

These are my favorite Russian jokes:

A group of children is playing outdoors:
"I have a sister and each of us has her own room," one girl says.
"I have two sisters and one brother, and each of us has a bike," a boy brags.
"Well, there are eight children in my family," another girl says, "and each one of us has his or her own father!"

Q: Why are women worse than the mafia?
A: The mafia demands money or your life; women want both.

"Can you spare some change?" a beggar asks a passerby.
"No, I know you’re going to spend it all on vodka."
"No, sir, I don’t drink."
"Then you’ll gamble it away."
"No, I don’t gamble either, sir."
"Well then, you’re going to spend it on women."
"No, sir, I don’t spend money on women."
"Okay," the passerby finally agrees, finally. "I’m going to give you 100 rubles, if you come with me. I want to show my wife an example of what can happen to a man who has no bad habits."

A corrupt cop stops a car and says to the driver, "You have to pay a fine!"
"But why, officer?" protests the driver. "What did I do wrong?"
"And why do you think my children should wait until you do something wrong?"

"Doctor, I always talk to myself."
"Does it bother your family members?"
"No, I live alone."
"Then why does it bother you?
"I’m so boring, doctor…".

cdnexpat · Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:01 pm Post subject:

-"Doctor, when I write poetry in the evening I cannot sleep. Do you know what to do about it?"
-"Yes, you should read it afterwards..."

-"Tanya, what did you learn in school today?"
-"The teacher explained to us the definition of dynamite."
-"What will you study tomorrow in school?"
-"School? Which school?

-"Will you have a beer, mister?"
-"No, I have my car today. Please bring me mineral water."
Five minutes later the waiter comes back with a beer.
-"May as well have a beer. Your car has just been stolen!"

Cheers,
Bob

I♥Russia · Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 12:04 am Post subject:

I just love the last one! Razz