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oishee
Just Starting
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
Location: Los Angeles
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 Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:21 am Post subject: Need help understanding Russian men when it comes to romance |
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Hi, I'm an American woman who just began seeing a Russian man who resides in Germany. He came to stay with me in Los Angeles for two weeks and while we held hands and were close, he did not initiate sex but seemed to have genuine feelings for me. I asked to kiss him after two weeks and he complied... for hours. BUt he did not take it any further. I am confused. Are Russian men shy sexually? Do they not like when a woman initiates sex? He did not want me to ask questions about it, either.
HELP! I really like him... |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Get rid of him!!! this is something that should have been talked about before he came to visit you. If he doesnt want premarital sex, or has some sexual disfunction, its something he should be willing to talk about. Its not fair to keep it a secret and give you a weird impression! I am not trying to judge anyone here, but if he had no problem traveling to come and see you, and yet cant be honest enough to tell you his true feelings, he doesnt seem worth the trouble. It just seems like this could lead to future heartache, especially if you are the type of person who is open and upfront about your own feelings. |
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mediashark
Moderator
Joined: 04 Nov 2004
Posts: 1599
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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In your case it really has nothing to do with his nationality.
You have to sit down and talk about it with him, if it is worrying you. He just might not want to for the reasons fire_g said. or maybe he is just a little shy and needs some time to get to know you and trust you more.
And please, it's only been 2 weeks. Too soon to tell if he's the one or the one you should dump. |
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cdnexpat
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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oishee,
Hold on... When a man is a little shy with a woman from another culture, do not judge him too fast!
I have played that game before, buying flowers and dinners, etc, without asking even a for kiss. I gives you the chance to size the woman. I think it is a sign of maturity and intelligence.
Not every man want everything now, especially if the partner is interesting...  |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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| You didnt read her post! He is unwilling to talk about the issue with her. I can understand a man being shy and having good morals, but when he is unwilling to talk about why he chose to do things the way he did, its a little rude. Honesty is the best policy, and if he refuses to be straight with her, then he needs to be dumped. But like I said before this should have been talked about beforehand. |
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cdnexpat
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Afghanistan
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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From what I gather, he refused nothing, he just followed rather than lead. May be I am missing something, but it seems to me the classical case of a man who was rebuffed before, and takes no chances. He obviously would prefer to wait for advances.  |
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vitalsigns
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 2784
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:39 pm Post subject: Re: Need help understanding Russian men when it comes to rom |
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| oishee wrote: | Hi, I'm an American woman who just began seeing a Russian man who resides in Germany. He came to stay with me in Los Angeles for two weeks and while we held hands and were close, he did not initiate sex but seemed to have genuine feelings for me. I asked to kiss him after two weeks and he complied... for hours. BUt he did not take it any further. I am confused. Are Russian men shy sexually? Do they not like when a woman initiates sex? He did not want me to ask questions about it, either.
HELP! I really like him... |
Not everybody is on the same level. To some sex is more sacred than to the others. I would be disappointed if a woman I just started seeing wanted to have sex with me on our first time together.
And why would he want to talk about that with you? Even from your post I feel like you put a lot of pressure on him. If you really like him, do not pressure him for anything. If it is true love it will come back to you, if not you can't keep it. |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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Yes vital signs, but by the same token, it should have been discussed prior to his visit. For instance Ive gone to see men before and made it clear to them where I stood on the whole sexual issue. This allows them to know before hand that just because I am not interested in sex, does not mean that I am not interested in them! I feel that not discussing that issue before traveling to see a member of the opposite sex is irresponcible. I made this mistake of not being upfront with one particular guy who proceeded to launch into a gigantic drama about how he felt rejected, and how embarassed he was. So from that point on I felt like in order to avoid later confusion and embarassment, its probably best to lay all your cards on the table. Oh and if this guy is against sex he should not have consented to hours of kissing, it only leads to frustation.  |
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oishee
Just Starting
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject: Russian men and romance |
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WOW. That was fascinating... the first time I have ever posted anything. Thank you all for your responses, I so appreciate.
Here is a bit more clarity on my situation. When I met this Russian man in Germany four years ago, I was attracted but he had a girlfriend. They broke up shortly after and he has been calling me for four years and planning to visit. There was no romance discussion because it seemed akward. When he came here, he stayed with me and I showed him the sights (his first visit to America...) and we had a great time for two weeks. He seemed appreciative of me and totally respectful. He slept on the couch, by the way.
As the trip came to an end, I asked why he had never tried to kiss me. He said that is not a question I should ask. He was very tender, however and seemed as if he might actually kiss me at that moment. The next night, in an intimate moment together, I told him I really wanted to kiss him. (I wear my heart on my sleeve - what can I say) and he said that we would. That the feeling was in the air...(?!) And we did for several hours but he would not take it to the next level. Modest, clothes completely on, etc.
Yet he was tremendously tender and romantic.
And he's an actor and very proud of his looks so I was stumped when he wouldn't even remove his shirt. ...I was so confused as he seemed to enjoy our intimacy so much. But when I asked, he said my asking was like pressure and I shouldn't.
When he left, he left me a beautiful note and has called twice since he landed 12 hours ago! I'm so confused!!!!!!!! You know? I would consider myself less promiscous than most women but I'm certainly a hardcore romantic and I do want intimacy when the feeling is right.... What are your thoughts? |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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| This is a tough one LOL. Maybe he was not expecting to be put into a situation where he felt pressured to be intimate. Perhaps he liked your personality and wanted to have a contact in the USA, kind of like a lifelong pen pal type deal. Maybe he never thought about having sex with you and figured since you never mentioned anything romance related, that this was going to be strictly a site seeing trip. Now as to him being evasive and telling you, that you should not be asking such questions, its weird! Could you have perhaps been too pushy about the intimacy? As in did he seem shocked or get a weird uncomfortable look on his face when you asked him about this? |
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oishee
Just Starting
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:29 pm Post subject: Russian men and romance |
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Thanks for your reply. I'm not quite sure I'm doing this reply thing the right way.. don't know if I'm responding to one or all...(I'm a little slow with technology...) 
well, ya know, I don't think I came off pushy. I'm a pretty soft in that respect. I just think I gave him the feeling I was approachable and was attracted to him. I'm such a girl and I melt easily. When we were kissing, he was into it, and I did seem like I didn't understand, though and said "why?" a few times when he stopped me (from pulling off his shirt.. or taking off mine for that matter!) I guess it wounded my ego a tad.. .as most American men are quite the opposite and looking for any opportunity, ya know? Its usually ME to slow it down...
So, it was shocking. And yet he complimented me, was a bit erotic, seemed very sensual. But like he was holding back, stiff.
So, yeah...any words of wisdom?! |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Id just see how it goes, could be he wants to take things slow, and not do anything to hurt either one of you. Give him one month to start being romantic with you, and if he doesnt begin speaking to you in a more intimate way, id cut off all contact with him. |
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oishee
Just Starting
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:47 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, fire goddess...
Since he is back in Germany now, I don't imagine we will speak with frequency. But he said he would call in a week or so. He doesn't speak in a romantic way on the phone. Maybe he just wants a friendship. Argh, I dunno. I guess I will see how it goes. But I would hate to abandon a nice friendship just because he doesn't want sex. And it would be nice t have someone to visit in Europe as well. He says he would like to take me to his flat in St Petersburg, too and that sounds wonderful to me.
Are Russian men usually this ambigious... or is it just him? Are you Russian? |
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Fire_Goddess
Guest
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| Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Well I only suggested cutting off contact because I thought it would be hard to erase what had occured between you. As for Russian men being ambiguous I have no idea, ive always thought they were more direct about what they wanted. And No, I am not russian! |
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vitalsigns
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 25 Dec 2004
Posts: 2784
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| Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2006 2:50 am Post subject: |
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| I can't imaging seeing somebody who lives in another country. I guess I am weak. I had hard time keeping a relationship when the girl lived 10 minutes from me... Most of the time it was like a chore I needed to keep doing. Maybe I have not met the right one yet. Where do you people get all the strength to maintain a long-distance relationship? |
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