Way to Russia Community and Forum

JamesB · Frequent Guest Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 20

Has anyone ever had a bad experience hosting Russians? Did the Russians have difficulty adjusting to cultural differences in your country? Did you get the feeling they were taking your hospitality for granted?

Please share your experiences. Thanks.

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431

Ekaterina

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431

5_Zvehzda · Just Starting Joined: 30 Mar 2010 Posts: 1

Ekaterina,
I extend my apologies to you for this person's attitude while you hosted them in Moscow.

But I'm curious, during your recent trip to the western U.S, how did you feel people treated you while travelling here? From what it sounds like, you hitch-hiked quite a bit.

Btw, it was nice communicating with you during your stay in AZ. Hopefully you had a memorable time and I shelled out some helpful advice during the time.

Ekaterina

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431

Ekaterina · Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 12:25 am Post subject:

MrSpice, in one of your posts you wrote that many of your friends waht to visit the US but can't afford the hotels and tours so what did you do to realize their dreams if during 10 (or how many?) years you live in America they didn't visit it yet?
I will continue tomorrow about how Americans treat visitors. It is too late now.

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431

kenga · Frequent Guest Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 26

[quote="JamesB"]Has anyone ever had a bad experience hosting Russians? Did the Russians have difficulty adjusting to cultural differences in your country? Did you get the feeling they were taking your hospitality for granted? ]

JamesB,
Probably some people would be able to help you if you tell more about yourself and your potential guest. Have you met this person/persons before, perhaps in Russia? Have you met them online in a chat room? Are they friends of a friend that recommended them to you? Are they exchange students coming to learn language? What age are they? What educational and financial background they (and you at that matter) have?

As you can see, too little information in you question, so it's impossible to give you a proper answer. Anyway, why are you so worried? You are going to experience a different culture, you might like it or not. Be yourself, be nice and hope for the adequate responce. If you feel you don't get as much as you give, well, you might get lucky some other time. There are certain cultural and language differences that may give you and your guest wrong impression, but in most cases these questions can be resolved.

Anyway, I might give you a tip from my personal experiences about a potential problem, which you may or may not encounter.

If you have a hot water system like a big boiler that holds only this much water and on a cold winter night your family has to take shortish showers just to leave some hot water for the restof the family, you have to explain this to your Russian visitor, because most people in Russia have hot water from a centralised system, so hot water never runs out unless it switched off at the central station for maintenance. Smile

Even then prepare yourself for a large hot water bill, because if somebody is used to taking a shower for half an hour it is not easy to cut them short after just five minutes. Besides, if your visitor is a young woman she will try to look her best and that may take time. Of course, if you have one of those gas heaters that never run of hot water, this won't be your problem.

JamesB · Frequent Guest Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 20

My experience actually dates back to 1990. Granted, I was much younger and naiiver (sp?) than I am years later, but the experience was an eye-opener to cultural and socialogical differences. I had spent much of 1989 in Russia doing language studies, and of course made a few Russian friends. One of those friends had already stayed at my parents place for a week in the summer of '89. He came again at the end of 1990. He was fine.

The other two Russians, my then Russian girlfriend and a Russian male in his late 20s, came in Sept. '90. I had given them invitations before leaving Moscow in January of '90 as well as a few hundred dollars to help them pay the airfare. Although the guy was already married with a child, we often met as a threesome while in Moscow and had become good friends. I wanted my girlfriend to see my home country before pursuing a deeper relationship. The guy spoke English fairly well. The girl showed interest in learning.

When they arrived in the USA, I gave them each about $60 so they'd have some spending money. I also arranged a job painting a deck at a neighbor's house so they could earn some more. Meanwhile, I scheduled various sightseeing tours and activities for them. For the first week, it was just like old times. We enjoyed one another's company. By the second week, the atmosphere was changing/souring. Since you can get free samples and things in the West, the guy was always soliciting hand outs to the point where other Americans were finding him a bit rude. The girl gave up trying to learn/speak any English after about day three because it was "too hard". They both seemed to expect to experience Russia in the USA and couldn't seem to cope with the cultural differences. By the end of the second week, it also became evident that the guy had the hots for the girl, and I was thus his enemy. I felt as though they were taking my hospitality for granted as everything I did for them (i.e. driving them around, providing food, etc.) was expected. By the beginning of week three, my parents intervened and told them to return to Moscow as they had overstayed their welcome.

Especially from the guy, it was his overall attitude, which spoiled things. His reaction to being told to leave was basically "screw you!". For example, we told him smoking was forbidden in the house, but yet he smoked while sitting at the bathroom window thinking that the stench wouldn't come into the house (it did). I couldn't believe people could be so rude and ungrateful. So be it. One friend who observed everything said she thought the Russian guy was having problems overcoming his insecurities...coming from a modest apartment to the higher living standards of the West. She said she finally understood what must have gone on at summit meetings between Breshznev and US Presidents. The Americans would arrive in their big cars and flashy suits, while the Russians came from their impoverished backgrounds.

As my other Russian friend arrived a few months later, he got an earful from various people in my vicinity (family, neighbors, friends) about the situation. He claimed that even by Russian standards, these people had behaved poorly.

A few years later, I made it back to Russia and spoke with a couple people who had met these so-called friends of mine back in 1989. Two people said the guy had made a negative impression on them when they had first met him. One person described the girl as "someone who just wanted to be entertained and wasn't serious".

Since then, I've compared experiences with several European friends who have also hosted Russians in the 1990s. Similar complaints seem to come up. 1. The Russians are generally "immature", like children expecting everything to be done for them. 2. They at times are inconsiderate of their hosts' well being. One German couple I knew put up a Russian couple in a pension type hotel for a week. Every day, he picked them up and showed them various sites. After several days, his wife was preparing a big meal for them all to enjoy. When he picked them up, they insisted they wanted to be brought to the train station to return home. They didn't thank him or anything. He and his wife felt terribly insulted. I later on happened to have dinner in St. Petersburg with some relatives of this Russian couple. These people snickered at the story about the behavior of their relatives and agreed that they had behaved poorly. They said the German guy had invited them as well, but they were not in the position to travel, but their relatives pursued a friendship with the German guy for the sole purpose of getting themselves invited.

I can't say that I haven't learned a few lessons, however painful. First, I've learned to rely on the opinions of natives regarding their fellow countrymen. Natives know their own culture much better and can "better read" others from the same culture. I've gained greater tolerance for misunderstandings arising from cultural differences. I've also learned not to give anyone a "free ride" (i.e. paying pretty much their whole way). If the other person has to make sacrifices to visit you/be your friend, the commitment to make the experience work out for the best will be greater.

So, has anyone had similar experience?

Ekaterina · Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 11:07 pm Post subject: Re: Hosting Russians in the West

JamesB · Frequent Guest Joined: 25 Apr 2006 Posts: 20

Ekaterina,
Where did you ever meet these guests in the first place? Was the Canadian paying to stay at your place?

Have you ever lived in North America before?

charles · Lounge Lizard Joined: 11 Mar 2006 Posts: 180 Location: USA

All these stories just make me ashamed of myself for the times when I was a guest in other countries, and I didn't thank my hosts enough. I don't think that I was rude (I hope not), but when you're young and immature sometimes you don't notice what sacrifices people are making to have you as a guest.

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