Way to Russia Community and Forum

rwenban · Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 11:01 pm Post subject: Russian customs and politeness

Every country has customs or "do's and don'ts". Like in Japan, don't give a give a gift in the quantity of seven (like flowers). The number seven is lucky in the US, but unlucky in Japan. In Vietnam, don't wave your finger at someone to get their attention-- it is demeaning to them. Can anyone tell me of good customs and of things not to do in Russia?

Zach10791 · Moderator Joined: 19 Mar 2005 Posts: 815

I once read in a book that making the "ok" sign can be considered a vulgar gesture. Smile

It’s also impolite to wear shorts in a museum.

averageg · Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 8:10 pm Post subject:

I read from a website that you should never give white roses and always give roses in odd numbers, never even.

I also read something weird such as never to handshake or kiss someone under a door way. Can anyone confirm?

rwenban · Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:38 pm Post subject:

Thank you for the feedback. Everyone.... keep them coming if you know more do's and don'ts.

5_Zvehzda · Just Starting Joined: 30 Mar 2010 Posts: 1

It's a polite gesture to take shoes off at the door when entering someone's home.

Oleg · Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 11:07 am Post subject:

Peter80 · Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:39 pm Post subject:

Russians shake hands men to men all the time. Russians don't shake hands with girls usually. When you visit someone, first come inside, and shake hands after. If you have gloves put on hands, take a glove off your hand before shaking.

MrSpice · Lounge Wizard Joined: 14 Jul 2003 Posts: 3431

twicker · Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:42 am Post subject: Saying "Hi"

This seems as good a place to post this as anywhere ...

When I was in Russia back in May, my guide (a young lady I met here in the States last summer) kept reprimanding me for bringing over a habit I have from living in the South of the US for all my life.

Around here, if you happen, by chance, to make eye contact with someone on the street, you will at the very least acknowledge their existence and humanity by quickly nodding your head at the person while maintaining eye contact (this being North Carolina, most people actually say, "How ya doin'?", but I already knew enough about Russia to know not to ask strangers, "Kak dela?").

Again, in North Carolina, if I pass you on the street, and our eyes meet, and you *don't* acknowledge me in some way, you're considered to be rude -- quite possibly some rich snob who thinks s/he is so much better than everyone else that s/he doesn't have to pretend I exist. Basically, not acknowledging = you're saying I'm dirt or worse.

So, there I was, wandering in Krasnodar, and I would, of course, nod. I knew enough not to smile (smiles in Russia apparently have a much different meaning than smiles in the US), but I'd nod at these people who were, well, obviously as human as I am (either that, or Russia has *really* good robots). Everybody would nod back in return, albeit with a bit of a surprised or quizzical look. Masha kept chastising me, saying, "This is not America! Stop it!"

So ... apparently, even a head nod is a bit too forward. Even outside of Moscow. Forewarned is forearmed.

Poka!

Rick · Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 11:26 am Post subject:

I am not sure where you live in America, but if you smile at everyone you encounter in the streets in any considerable large city, you'll get pretty exhausted ..
In general I think the majority of people will respond to it, when you're acting in a friendly and positive manner. We've been playing a bit with that in St. Petersburg and it worked quite well. (Yes, I know this city is not a very typical sample.) I would not see the point in smiling at everyone though. Even if I try that back home in The Hague it might cause problems.

twicker · Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 3:27 pm Post subject: In my mind ...

I'm in North Carolina, which is in the southern part of the US, and we really don't have a "big city" in the classic sense.

In Moscow, I didn't bother trying to "nod" at people -- then again, with so many people, one doesn't usually make eye contact with those folks. In Krasnodar, it's a smaller place, so walking down Ulitsa Krasnaya brings you in contact with fewer people -- so my head-nodding kicked in.

Around here, it's a fairly small place (Durham, NC is the home of Duke University; my hometown is Chapel Hill, NC -- home of the University of North Carolina (UNC -- the Tarheels)). Not quite as fast a pace of life, you might walk down the street and make eye contact with 5 people. More of a "small town" feel, I'd say.

Your point is well made about the difference between a big city and where I'm from; Krasnodar is just very similar to this area (about the same population as this overall area, many of the same industries, even a similar climate), and so it would be easier to make eye contact, 'tis all.

Poka!

vitalsigns · Lounge Wizard Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 2784

Retiring...

twicker · Posted: Mon Sep 04, 2006 3:48 pm Post subject: Krasnodar, then and now

Hi, Vitalsign,

To answer your question:

Sure, you could do this (smiling from ear to ear) -- it's just not the norm.

As I mentioned in another post, I was in Krasnodar for День Победы (9 May). Masha and I hung out for the whole day (it was wonderful) -- walking down Улитса Красная (they had it completely closed off), beautiful spring day (about 17-23 C), everybody out having a good time. We walked down past city hall, the krai parliament, down to the church (I don't know it's name) at the end of Улитса Красная. Turned, went over to the park beside the Кубань. Wonderful stuff. Capped it off with a nice dinner in a little cafe in the median of Улитса Красная and watched fireworks. Really great ...

The people were great, the service was good, everything was really nice.

But, smiling? Most people didn't just "smile." As I've mentioned several times, I'm from the south of the US, North Carolina in fact, and I've been comparing Russia to what we experience here (figuring that people would be able to compare their part of the US with my part of the US, then make the comparison from there to Russia). The people are no worse or better in Russia than here -- in fact, I could easily see myself living in Город Краснодар for awhile. The people there are, as you said, very friendly. That said, it's still not the same as America, and, while you can certainly get away with smiling from ear to ear, you'll be in the minority as a guy. Most guys, and most people who are by themselves, just don't tend to smile as much as they do in my neck of the woods.

And, again, according to Masha (whom I tend to trust, simply because she's lived in Krasnodar her entire life, and then spent 3 months living and working in my part of the US), people don't nod their head to people they pass on the street, and certainly don't say "Kak dela?" (or even, "Kak u vas dela?") to people they don't know well -- which was the point of my original post. If they did in the '90s, then, again, according to Masha and her other Krasnodar-native friends, and according to my experience this May, they don't anymore.

So, to address the point of the thread, as a "do or don't," I'd say that saying random "Kak dela"'s to people is a "don't."

Does that answer your question?

Poka!

vitalsigns · Lounge Wizard Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 2784

Thanks twicker.

Sparks · Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:06 am Post subject:

From traveling to Russia and Belarus I noticed this:

1. Always leave your shoes at the door before entering a house. I had already seen this in London when visiting homes of Indian and Japanese families. Actually it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

2. Always bring gifts to people when you visit their home, especially if you are going to stay there for a few days. A gift for each individual is required, including kids. Gifts are not only appreciated, they are actually expected as a kind gesture from visitors.

3. Always accept drinks people offer you in meals. I don’t really like drinking, and surely don’t like vodka, but my uncle kept offering me and I had to accept, since my parents had warned me previously about how offended they get if you refuse. It’s like refusing to eat the main dish. Make sure you get used to it before going to Russia.

4. When in public, avoid calling attention upon you by talking loudly, smiling or laughing. While it’s considered perfectly normal public behavior in the West, especially in Latin America, it's not exactly appreciated in Russia. My cousin was always having to warn me about this. The idea is to keep a low profile in public. Leave warm conversations for private moments with people you already know.

5. Russians are extremely friendly once you are no longer considered a mere stranger. Expect a lot more hospitality than you would get in the West. It’s not a matter of politeness. While in the West we have a more individualistic lifestyle, in Russia they tend to want to share everything. They will give you their time, escort you around, share their homes, their rooms, and offer food and vodka all the time. Sometimes I even felt a bit uncomfortable because I thought people were doing too much. Later I understood this is just their way of doing things. If you are staying in a Russian home, don’t be too surprised if you are quickly integrated into their everyday life while you are there.

As consequence of this community-oriented behavior, their idea of privacy is a lot less strict than ours. Don’t expect people to knock on doors and stuff. Be especially careful when you are in the bathroom. I found myself in one or two unpleasant incidents, since bathroom doors didn’t have a lock in two of the four houses I stayed in!

In Belarus I was at my family’s apartment. Although I expected hospitality, they actually left their own rooms and beds, cramming up in the living room so me and my sister could have 100% comfort. I felt embarrassed. Oh, and if they visit you in the West they will kind of expect the same type of behavior, since it’s so natural to them.

6. When talking to Russians, Russia itself will always be a popular topic. You are welcomed to share your opinions and ideas, but do not make any criticisms about Russia, leave that to them. Also, even if you know a lot about Russia already (from reading books for instance), don’t show it too much. It will not impress Russians, and they may think you are being arrogant and not simply interested, in the sense it might seem “you think you know more than them about their own place”. I know common sense would stop you from doing this, but when things start getting nice and comfy, especially after some vodka, sometimes we make these little mistakes. The key is let them do the talking when the subject is Russia.

Also, while Russians normally like conversation, they don’t enjoy casual chat too much. Avoid superficial topics, smiles and postures.

7. Do not expect anyone to speak English in Russia. At least in 2000, I hardly found any local fluent in English, not even the young. My cousin was the only exception. In Saint Petersburg, to my surprise the manager of a tourist agency needed an employee (one of the few that spoke English there) to interpret what I was saying. It was a tourist agency and the manager didn’t speak English!! I found a few English-speaking locals near tourist sites in Moscow, since they offered services as guides. I specifically found a woman that spoke well near the Kremlin. That was it. At least this is how it was 6 years ago.

Note the lack of English doesn’t stop Russians from making avid efforts to communicate and naturally they like it when you try learning words in Russian.

Asking for information in the streets is a real pain even if you speak Russian. Once you break the barriers, people are extremely warm and lively, but while you are still viewed as a stranger, people will seem like angry footballers.

8. If people notice you are a tourist, prices rise up quite quickly. Also, if you aren’t Caucasian you will be stopped in the streets by cops. This didn’t happen to me nor my sister since we look Russian, but we had a friend over from Brazil and she was stopped a few times. No bribes or anything were needed though. Just have your documentation in order and all will be fine.

9. Fashion seemed quite erratic, especially in Moscow. I did notice men do not wear tennis shoes unless they will do exercise. Black shoes are a favorite. Some people are really flamboyant, so if you want to mix into the crowd, you don’t have to worry too much about being discrete, it’s a matter of avoiding stuff nobody wears. Like bermuda shorts (lol). But there’s no need to wear only dark colors or anything like that.

10. I noticed trying to make eye contact with girls in the streets isn’t a very good policy. In fact, I don’t really know how they flirt with strangers in Russia. In the West, or at least in Brazil, when flirting with strangers, it always starts with eye contact, if the person corresponds then you make an approach. I guess Russians don’t do this on the streets.

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