Way to Russia Community and Forum

sourabh · Just Starting Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

I am of Indian nationality presently living in London..I have been with this Russian girl for 2 years now and we have decided to get married...i was wondering since u have some experience in settling in India...can u please advise me on some practicalities like...

the docs u needed for the marriage...also what made u come and settle in India...and how do u like it there so far?...

waiting for ure reply...

Smile

katya_m · Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:38 am Post subject: Russian-Indian marriage

Hi!
Getting married wasn't a very simple thing to do, After a religious ceremony at home, we obviously needed an official ceremony as well, which would give us a document, since it was required for my visas, etc. In Hyderabad, however, local authorities refused to register our marriage, though there's a Hindu Special Marriage Act or smth like that, which is applied to marriages to foreigners. Some of my Russian friends got married to Indians in India without any problems. So for us the only way out was to go to moscow and get the marriage done there. There's only one marriage registration office in Moscow which deals with foreign marriages: ZAGS #4, in Savelovskaya metro station.
I dont think i remember ALL the documents we needed, but among them were:
1. A letter from my husband's parents saying that they dont object to our marriage and that he's not yet married anywhere in India. The letter shud be certified by a notary.
2. Passports.. of course..
I think for more detailed information u shud contact those guys directly.
Normally they take a month to process ur application. (or maybe they give u a month to think over ur decision, once again, before it's too late to turn back??)

Well... the real running-around started once we got the paper from ZAGS. I had to legalize it so that it's valid in India. For that, i had to go thru a long chain of institutions.. Translation bureau, Notary to certify the tramslation, then Justice Department, smth else, smth esle, with the Indian Embassy being the last element, to seal all the stamps and signatures that i had collected with their stamp. In fact, there was no problem at all along the way, its just that its a very lengthy procedure (took me a month). Each department takes about 4-5 days to process the paper.

The marriage certificate which is recognized in India gives ur spouse a right to obtain the so-called PIO card (People of Indian Origin). In Moscow, the Indian Embassy takes only 4 days to do it, plus $250, if I am not mistaken. In Delhi, for the same price, they take over a month. This card gives ur wife all the rigths of an Indian citizen, except for the right to vote. Plus, a visa-free entry to India for 15 years, after which the card can be renewed. I went for it, and I am very happy, cos now, even for local museums I pay as a local Smile

it cud save a lot of money on, say, Taj Mahal (10 rupees instead of 750!!). Well... it gives another big advantage - the right to work, which an average visa doesnt allow.

As for adjustment to a new country... it depends on a person, on the given conditions and so on. I took about a year to just stop lamenting for my native place. Now missing home has reduced, but I still pine for things that I cant get here (in terms of food, for example, OR friends). It also seems to be that i can be really free only when I am back home, in Moscow. Here I have to look back ten times before I do smth.. wondering if its ok, if anyone is going to think anything... well... that kind of thing. In more positive terms.. what i like here is safely (sounds strange maybe), challenges (more than enough!!), a chance to gel with such a different culture.. to learn the language.. to feel comfortable both here and there.. to be more independent (i work, earn money, study, etc).
But it's so individual, that i cant give any general advice here. Maybe only to you - if u do plan to live in India.. be very patient with ur wife, at least initially.. forgive her for all the 'crazy' things, words and reactions that she might display. I guess thats all.
Does your giftfriend live in Russia? Or in England?
Dont be put off by the complications of all the procedures, or initial difficulties - if you see beyond them, if you see the meaning to all this along the way, then you will overcome it all without much problem.
If U have more questions, feel free to ask them, I'll try to help.

Katya

sourabh · Just Starting Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

Well i am happy that u wrote me such a detailed answer...indeed its not very straightforward ....

I know what u mean when u have to think 10 times before doing anything in India..although it has made great progress, the society in general has remained very conservative and this i am very aware of...i do not want to make Masha (maria, thats her name)...to go through all the troubles...

right now i live in England and she is studying in France...after she finishes her course in Spetember next year, we plan to get married...i realise the best way for both of us would be to either stay in London or soemwhere in France, but its a lot of work...

its nice to know that it is possible for soemone who comes from the RUssian culture to adjust to Indian culture and be reasonably comfortable..it gives me great hope indeed that someday we might come back to India and it is not unfair or too demanding off her....

thanks once again for ure detailed reply..so r u in contact with any other Russian women married in India or around ure place?..do u work somewhere?...

Sorry for all the questions..its just i want to get maximum information before we do anything for certain..

katya_m · Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:40 pm Post subject:

Hi!
U're most welcome - i am glad if i cud help someone who's facing the same situation we once faced. I do know some Russian people back here in Hyd (very few), and some foreigners who are married to Indians. Every couple is as different as can be, i mean their lifestyle which, in some cases, is so Indian that i feel the girl just gave up her cultural identity completely, or too Western, which is only possible, if the husband lived abroad for a long time and is more comfortable that way. In my case, I think, its more of an equal deal, maybe with a slight dominance of Indian ways, which is natural, since the surroundings are completely Indian Smile

My being 'comfortable' here is also my in-laws' credit - they have been very loving and understanding to me all this time, although initially my husband's mum was dead-set against our marriage and wudnt want to even look my way. We waited till she changed her mind - it took her a while (some 2-3 years!!), but at least on the day of our wedding, everyone was geniunely happy. I am also lucky, cos I have a job - I teach French at the International School of Hyderabad. It's a school founded by one of the UN organizations here.. so the pay is very good, plus the staff and kids are of all the possible international backgrounds.

Well.. if you do have a way of staying back in England or in France - nothing like it. India can always be a place to visit: she will definitely like it. Living here is a different thing.. interesting, yes, but.. not always easy.
I had been to Hyd some 5 times before my marriage, so i had a fairy good idea what to expect. Maybe in ur case, it's also better to start by short plunges. She will understand it herself - i mean, whether she's prepared to live here or not.

Anyways, best of luck!

P.S. U said u lived in England. Is it on a permanent basis? Do u have British citizenship? is it possible that ur job could take u anywhere else? Do your parents know about Masha and if they do, whats their attitude to the whole thing? U know, it simplifies a lot of things when they are supportive.
hope they are. Which place in india exactly are you from?

sourabh · Just Starting Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

ure very right indeed...each family is different and all things are subjective...

I work in London and am currently on a work permit...I work for Nortel Networks and the nature of my work has me travelling to different parts of the world. I was previously workign for France telecom and hence my affinity to france....

I am from Pune which is near Mumbai..I am sure u know....My mother is pretty positive about her and she beleives in me ...the only thing she is worried about is the society in general...she doesnt care about what other people or are relatives think..u know how it is...there is a general resentment among the relatives...but she is worried that if we come here and Mash doesnt like it , it will be very hard and unfair for her...afterall she is giving up so much and it wont be fair if she becomes depressed....

so its nice to hear that ure in-laws have accepted u...ure very right in saying that the most important thing is that in laws are very supportive...

to be honest with u, i am very very surprised that there are even a few russina people in Hyderabad... Smile

...people have heard about Bangalore...one of Masha's freinds Dima wanted to come and work in Bangalore...but its quite surprising to know that there are people in Hyderabad...

so assuming that i am not being very rude, may i know what ure husband does for a living?...do u have kids yet?...how long have u been married?...

katya_m · Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:59 am Post subject:

Hi!
First I'll answer ur questions: yes, surprisingly, there are Russian people here - mostly, Russian wives (i know 4 more or less personally, and there's every chance that there are more). I am not sure if any of them is from Moscow, but in such a faraway place like India it doesnt really matter. I know there are quite a few Russians in Kerala, in B'lore, let alone Delhi. See, in a several million city, a handful of Russians is not really too extraordinary. Once, in Russia, i saw an African boy passing thru some God-forgotten tiny village 200km away from Moscow Smile

so things happen! There's a site on the net, www.india.ru - thru which all Russians in India can keep in touch. There's hardly anyone here who doesnt know about it.
I've been here for 2 years, but i've known my husband for about 8 years now. No kids yet, no.. though my mother-in-law is getting more and more insistant! My husband wants to save up more for this big event, and me, i dont mind working for a while longer. Besides, we dont know whether we'll stay here or go out of the country - i think i wud welcome a chance to stay abroad at least for some time. That depends on my husband's moves. He's currently working in a software company called Juno Online Services, he's a system administrator. After our Moscow trip in Dec we'll probably start looking out for some abroad prospects. (any advice about it wud be most welcome!)
By the way I heard a lot about Pune - it's marked in my memory as a city full of students Smile

in fact just the other day, one girl (Romanian) I know was telling me about her experiences there. She's been married to an Indian for over 8 years and Pune was the first 'big city' they lived in. Before, they had to stay in different small villages (her husband's work has smth to do with agriculture). Imagine that.. I mean... she could adjust to that, and so far, i've not heard a word of complaint from her. After those villages and even after Pune, Hyderabad seems like New York to her!

What kind of person is your Masha? Is she interested in Indian culture? Was it her love for India that brought you both together in the first place (i just know some examples, thats why i am asking). But your case cud be entirely different. How often do you get to see each other? I understand that with ur being in England, and her, in France, it's not always easy. What does she study? It's nice to know that your mum doesnt mind her, and is even concerned about how she'll adjust here. Relatives cud be an issue - some part of Karthik's family still talk to me thru clenched teeth, but thankfully they all stay in Chennai, so i dont have to interact with them much. His father's side has accepted me very cordially and we're on very good terms. You can't please everyone - and it's very normal. We dont have to justify ourselves in front of people who anyway dont play much role in our everyday life.

sourabh · Just Starting Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

wow!...the story about the romanian girl is amazing...

I do understand where ure comign from...i dare say that people in northern and western part of india are more comfortable with foreigners than the people from the south...but this is just a general statement and exceptions are abundant....

Masha is the brightest spot in my life....she is very kind and caring and she has achieved so much staying away from her family and studying and achieving masters in linguistics and now she is doing her masters in franco-russe management....she is from Komsomolsk which is near Khabarovsk..maybe u know the place...but she did her studying in samara and now in france, Nancy. have u been to france?..where did u learn your french?...

yes we met each other online and steadily are freindship blossomed into romance...i met her in Moscow and then when she came to france , things became a lot more easier...my work has me travellign to france quite often and we meet each once a moth at the very least!

i would love to help ure husband if i can, or atleast advice u about staying abroad...what sort of help do u need?...Pune is indeed the student capital of india and many foreigners do come here to study..besides we have the Osho commune which attract foreigners as well...

I have met Mashas father who cam to france for work as he works fro Sukhoi...u know how fathers are...he wasnt very pleased that his daughter was going out with me...cause he though i was some arab..and was sort of buying his daughter...her mother likes me though and she understands our relationship...we have spoken a little me with my limited Russian and she with her limited English!... Smile

...I just want Masha to be happy...she was the first woman who made me feel like the way i feel about her and i am head over heels in love with her....i am sure it is the same the other way as well....I just want her to be happy and i hope that my story like urs has a happy ending...it is very very tough and its scary at times when i think about the things that we shall have to go through to be togheter ( i.e. get married)....but it will all be worth it!

so how did u guys meet?...doe she speak a bit of russian as well?....

katya_m · Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject:

Hi

u wont believe it but i almost feel like meeting ur Masha now Smile

I am glad she makes u feel that way. There's just nothing more precious in life than this. I mean.. i wudnt cling to anything else as much as I wud to the feeling of being in love Smile

I also specialized in linguistics at the univ., and thats where i learnt my French, The process is never-ending though, i keep learning it here, at the Alliance Francaise and now I am planning to do my M.A. in French from one of the local universities. I went tto France only once - my regular travelling abroad ended when India came into my life! After that my parents could only afford sending me to Hyderabad.. very thankful to them for that.
Our stories seem to have a lot common in the sense that Karthik and me also met online - it was in 1997 when I was only 16 and he was 19 Smile

we've gone a lo-o-o-ng way since then and in fact we started planning to get married after my second trip to India, around 2000.. three years after we met online. We didnt have the luxury of seeing each other more often than twice a year (once, even one time in two years - when his mum's objections were at their peak). That too, those three weeks or a month that i wud spend at his house wud be full of suspicion, scenes, explanations and secrecy... his mum wudnt let us spend even an hour just by ourselves. I am not even exaggerating. She was feeling very very anxious and alert all the time.. hell of a time it was! After the wedding she turned into the sweetest and most loving mother-in-law possible.
My parents accepted my choice at once - though even they have very limited means of conversing with Karthik. Both are learning English, esp my dad, but at this age its not all that easy, besides, to them English is hardly ever a means of communication..
And hey, if U call marriage a 'happy ending' i think you're mistaken Smile

difficulties only start from this point Smile

all this paperwork and running around is hardly an obstacle... Obstacles are things that each of us has in our minds... habits, opinions, ideas, stereotypes.. I never thought i wud be so finicky about wet towels lying around on the floor!!! But well... thats where ur negotiating and compromising talent shud come into play Smile

My mum once told me that marriage is in fact hard work, u shudnt take it for granted.. it's smth u construct brick by brick.. and u shud not lose this feeling of being in love along the way Smile

Dont worry about her father - they might have their own reservations, which is only natural. Peop;e generally prefer to stick to their community. Once he sees that you are a reliable, serious and trustworthy man, he'll stop worrying. He shud get convinced that you are not Masha's exotic fancy, and that you are the right man to trust with his daughter. My parents like Karthik a lot, but i know they feel very very miserable about my being away from them, every time they see me off at the airport.. God these are just heart-breaking scenes, really.. I know how much my mum struggles not to cry, but she does, and i can feel all that dad's feeling though he wudnt communicate it verbally.. but when he hugs me to him so tight and just wudnt let me go.. really, he holds me with so much of physical strength..I dread these moments....

Yes Karthik speaks a bit of Russian - i make it a point to speak to him in Russian, and i do it regularly, so now he understands a fair amount of it, he can read and write, and he knows a number of sayings, silly useless rhymes and even pop songs by heart Smile

Thankfully he has the interest for all these things and I never make this learning process formal. I teach him spontaneously, without dwelling too much into grammar - this way he memorizes things like a child, in sentences, which are always connected with the right context. Next time he uses them, he doesnt make mistakes and sounds very very native Smile

'Advice' that i asked for.. i dont know, i dont mean anything specific.. just how to go about it? His job is not likely to send him out anywhere. We'll have to look on our own. Wud it be sensible to just check out some consulting agencies? or just look thru local ads of some specific countries? And come on u dont have to even know all these things, I just thought, in CASE you do, i wud be grateful for some information.
U have any photo of urself and Masha? U cud send it maybe to me to my account?
no_ideas1@yahoo.com
I cud send ours some time later.

Take care,

Katya

livnow · Just Starting Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

Katya/sourabh, I have been following your posts here and I would like to say you are some of the luckiest people. I have been facinated by russian culture and like russian people a lot..btw I am an Indian.

I have registered in couple of online sites where I can communicate with russian girls. The thing that I am scared of is the fact that lot of these sites are dubious and fake. I know there are lot of girls out there who are really genuine and nice. How do I know if I can meet someone like that ?
Does online dating really work and if so how to make sure someone is telling the truth.

Sourabh, If I may ask which online site did you use to find masha.

I know its lot of questions - I would be grateful if you can reply back.

-livy

katya_m · Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:34 am Post subject:

Hi!

I would advise you not to go to any online dating sites, if possible.. like u said, many of those could be fake.. ESP if it's a dating site.. it means, girls who join them have dating in mind from the very beginning... and somehow, this idea puts me off a lot..
How about orkut?...
These days I don't even know how online romance works.. in 1998 my school friend met my husband's brother in one of yahoo chat rooms.. but it was so long ago.. and that time, internet was such a new thing, thats why we took it so seriously.. and now, I don't know.. fewer and fewer people want to be themselves.. Just be very very careful.

Where do u live by the way? In India or in Russia?

surfguy · Lounge Wizard Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 6979

well most our fake...but there are some genuine girls out there looking for love and romance...I guess you'll just have to learn the ropes and perhaps pay your dues...but never send a girl money...if they find you interesting and want you then they will come to you...good luck! Oh BTW what about Indian girls I think many are very beautiful...so why not go for them?

livnow · Just Starting Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

Hey Katya,

Thanks for the reply. Yeah the thought of trying to invest time and energy into someone online and then find out it was all fake is really discouraging.

Is there any website which has the listing of genuine russian girls who are interested in long term relationship and are looking to get married ?

I live in the US but am an Indian citizen.

I have heard that russian women are friendly and very charming. I guess the best bet would be to meet someone through known aquaintences -- but thats hard if you dont know any russian.

How long have you been in India ? Guess you would have got accostomed to the Indian way of life Smile

.

livy

vox16 · WayToRussified Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 362

livnow · Just Starting Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

Wow ! So many people responding to a post in the wrong thread ..!! I appreciate the pro-activity.. Keep it up !!

bswaminathan · Lounge Lizard Joined: 09 Oct 2007 Posts: 164

Hi Katya, livnow, sourabh

Well! wish you the same. I followed your post from the beginning. I already had a positive opinion about russia till 1991, I'm basically a Scholar doing research in Aerospace Engineering from south INDIA. I'm really proud of russian jets and aviation stuffs that's why i put them to my website(http://beswaminathan.googlepages.com). well! i also noticed another thing, asians are badly humiliated racially and the local news papers in south INDIA are frequently reporting that medical students from INDIA are even died b'cos of this, this happened particularly in st. pertersburg. How abt the situation in russian now, i think its even worse as some of my frieends reported economy is really bad followed by corruption and joblessness. Actually i want to do my Phd in Russia as its known well for aerospace and finally i want to avail russian citizenship and settle there. but i don't know much abt russia like food, culture and general life. I don't think its so bad like europe.

can u people clarify me on this. can i avail russian citizenship?

Thank you
Swaminathan

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