| Author |
Message |
Luba
Frequent Guest
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 14
|
 Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 11:47 am Post subject: adopting a Russian orphan |
 |
|
[Could we get some commentary from some of our Russian friends here? ]
Dear DennisF! I asked about the issue many Russians. They all seem to be having the same feeling about a child who has been or going to be adopted. They treat him or her as a foreinger since the moment they've found out about adoption. Some kind of detachment occures towards the child. I am sorry... :cry: [/quote] |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
DennisF
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 05 Nov 2004
Posts: 97
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 7:20 pm Post subject: adopting attitudes reply |
|
|
| Thank you Luba for your response. It was not what I had hoped to hear. My hope was (and is) that I will be able to make many trips back to Russia with my new adopted daughter so that she can teach me more about Russia and it's culture. Will she not be welcome to return to her fatherland (because an American father took the place of her Russian father who has been dead for over ten years)? She has no family in Russia other than her mates in the orphanage. It will be a huge adjustment for her to come to the US and we want to understand her background as well. Thank you, DennisF |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Luba
Frequent Guest
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 14
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 7:59 pm Post subject: adopting a russian orphane |
|
|
DennisF, it is great that you want to learn things about Russia and have a desire to keep your child rooted in Russian culture. Such cross-cultural experience can give a great personality enchancement to your daughter. I told you about the attitude of detachment among orphanage caregivers and people working with orphanes(not me!).It's reality but understandable one. They have very limited resourses and trying to focus on the most needy. They just think that God has already cared enougth about those who are under the process of being adopted.
It is totally different attitude if you come to visit and they see all the progress and good changes in a kid. I personally remember 3 cases of kids who have been adopted and after a couple of yours came back to where they came from. In two of these cases everything was fine. Everybody was happy. But, may be it will be intersting to know, that 12 years old Masha, after 2 years in US couldn't speak nor understand any Russian. Even thought her parents were not against Russian culture at all. It just happened. Don't feel guilty or anything if it happens in your case. It is kind of normal.
In one case it was very hard for the kid. Parents took the girl to the old and half-decayed house of her grandma(she is still alive) and it caused a serious emotional trauma for the kid. She was ashamed of a kind of life her grandma has. I know it woun't happen in your situation. Just a part of my experience.
I invite you to visit the Golden Ring area because I believe that the key from magic Russian soul can be found only here. I hope to see you sometime in person! :P |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
DennisF
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 05 Nov 2004
Posts: 97
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 9:14 pm Post subject: Thanks for the reply |
|
|
| Thank you Luba. I feel much better for myself (and for Olga, my soon to be daughter). My brother in law is also adopting 2 Russian siblings aged 12 and 14 who happen to be Olga's best friends in the orphanage. They will be able to see each other on a regular basis and so should be able to keep up their Russian language skills. I was afraid that once the formal adoption process began, Olga and her friends would be ostracized. I, too, look forward to possibly meeting you in person sometime. You've been very helpful. DennisF |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
DLT
Just Starting
Joined: 17 Sep 2004
Posts: 7
Location: St Augustine, Florida
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 5:32 am Post subject: Wow |
|
|
I would be a hypocrite if I did not thank everybody for their comments, but wow these replies went in a direction that I did not anticipate. I really thank everybody who actually gave information and insight into the adoption process in Russia. It is very helpfull.
In reference the one comment about dealing with the problem..or "adopting the problem away", let me say this: I have received many comments from family and friends (positive, negative, confused, curious) but one comment from a relative really stayed with me...and it ties into the "addressing the problem" posting. This relative commented on how she felt it was a great thing to do, but did not agree with having to pay or donate or give gifts to Russian officials (which is customary in international travel regardless) along the way. She felt doing any of those things was basically bribing or buying a child.
I will respond to the "overall problem" posting the same way as I responded to my relative... it's not about me!
I am fortunate enough to have the resources and ability to give a child a better life. This is not durogatory toward anybody. It's about the child. The impressions that anybody has...or the larger problem...has no bearing to me because I feel confident in why I am doing it.
Thanks all
dlt |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
cyndy22
Lounge Wizard
Joined: 15 Oct 2004
Posts: 1076
Location: massachusetts
|
| Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 8:17 am Post subject: |
|
|
Dennis, I do not think you shuld feel badly about te fact that you are adopting Olga. She is going to have a wonderful life. If she remained in rhe orphanage especially at her age, 13, her future would be grim as Russian orphanage statistics show.
I don't think you should worry about Olga's possibility of being ofstranisized, I am sorry for the incorrect spelling. It has been a late night. But I think if you raise Olga to retain some of her R-ussian language and culture, -and your family has an open mind and heart to Russia, and visiting, you will all just be fine. Don't worrry so much! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
DennisF
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 05 Nov 2004
Posts: 97
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 8:12 pm Post subject: Way to go DLT!!! |
|
|
 DLT, You can only work within the framework that the Russian government has established, frustrating that it may be. I too am frustrated with the expense of the Russian adoption process and the more I research it and find out where the money goes, the more frustrated I become. However, I desparately want to get my "daughter" out of the orphanage and I have decided that whatever they tell me to do, I will. If I have to pay bribes (which are technically illegal under Russian law) then I will do so. There is apparently a whole industry in Russia that obtains a lucrative lifestyle "merchandizing" orphans to westerners. I am working with an agency that has been less than truthful, but feel I have no options if I want to adopt this child. I hope you get your child home soon. You are in my prayers. Please PM me if you wish to discuss this further; I may have said too much already.
Still waiting in Texas, DennisF  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Rezerection-Honey
Just Starting
Joined: 04 Jan 2005
Posts: 1
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I couldnt agree for with Mogfan. There is a huge problem with the orphans in Russia. The whole system is a shambles and so wrong! It makes me so mad that Governments can spend so much money on wars but so little on protecting little children! We here so little of the orphans plight in the media and no where near enough is done to help.
Where can we begin to help? Why cant we do something now? I know this problem wont be solved overnight but I feel so sad that this situation is so rife in the world today and so little is heard of it! As Dennis correctly says we have to work through the current Government frame work to help. When each of these children are adopted, then this is one less child who is suffering, so this is a brilliant thing.
I myself want to adopt a child from Russia but being from the United Kingdom am not really sure where to begin. All theinformation I have so far come accross on adopting from Russia seems to be focussed on American citizens wishing to adopt. Can anyone offer any advice on adotping a Russian child from Britain? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
DennisF
Lounge Lizard
Joined: 05 Nov 2004
Posts: 97
Location: Texas
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 1:09 am Post subject: Hi Honey! |
|
|
| There are several adoption agencies that work in Europe and probably in UK as well. Do a search from the BAAF site (British Association for Adopting and Fostering. If you have further questions, please feel free to PM me from this site. Best of Luck in your noble quest! There are over 700K orphans in Russia alone. DennisF |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
